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If I had been thinking last week, I would have probably noticed that last week’s post was the end of Bourbon and Farly’s story. There used to be a little bit about Farly worrying about Jon, but it was too conveniently placed, and it got axed a revision or two ago. So, Bourbon gets to rest easy now, until the next time I decide to go fuck up these kids’ lives again.
Sorry I swore.
I realized a while back that most of these chapters, the days themselves, start with someone waking up, or lying in bed, and this is another case of “if I had been thinking.” If I had been thinking, I would have started each day like this. Right now, it happens enough to be noticeable, but not enough to be a conceit of any kind Which means it’s sloppy. Which, whatever. Given the amount of time spent in homes and rooms in 7 Days, I suppose it makes sense a lot of those chapters would start with someone waking up. I just feel like I could have done better. I guess.
The Collective keeps getting brought up, and if you’ll bear with me, we’ll talk about them next week, at which point we’ll set phasers to full preachy.
At any rate, that’s all I got this week. It seems my mind is elsewhere, which is no excuse, but there we are. And I know you have questions, so ask away. As always, you know how to get in contact with me.
[g]
Something else I believe lifted from our conversations and our group conversations: “Shut up. That’s what.” Now I realize I changed the last word but seriously. You’re hardness on yourself about the waking beginning and the sleeping ending: see above quote. It’s called “7 Days in November” *and* I think it’s wonderful that that’s a format here. I know I’m a freak who’s been filmed dancing with green vegetables, but I often start my days by waking and end them by sleeping—often with and next to my cohort. It also goes back to your mention, rightly so, of the story being made up of moments. I say kudos.
One thing though. Not that you’ve done it over the last few installments, but as a general comment and thing to be wary of, be careful of “glancing” of “wincing” and their variants. There are a few others as well, but you get my drift. I know and am in full belief of the significance of looks, however I’ve been reading too much YA fic and continue to see the significant look. It’s like the prevalence of sudden movement adverbs: “quickly…”, “suddenly…”. There’s nothing derivative about your stories and I’m gonna keep it that way. People like Bella Swan can/(should) choke over a chicken bone.
_Sometimes broccoli must dance_
Not that you’ve done it over the last few installments, but as a general comment and thing to be wary of, be careful of “glancing” of “wincing” and their variants. There are a few others as well, but you get my drift.
It’s because I’m not a very good… writing… guy.
*cough*
Well, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying be careful; it’s easy to slip into, and it does make a certain amount of sense. But I’m also saying you’re better than that. You *are* a good writing guy.
_Sometimes broccoli must dance_